Yes, I’ve been among the missing, and not just from this blog.

My writing chores have been hit-and-miss. I do a little editing here and there, or work with my wonderful critique group members. I’m gradually getting back into life, or trying to do so. It’s a slow journey, making two steps forward and one back, as my body attempts to heal.

I’ve mentioned my struggles, over many years, with a very rare autoimmune condition. Pyoderma gangrenosum is a disorder that, in essence, turns one’s immune system into a flesh-eating disease. My blog, The Monster Under My Bed, chronicles my history with PG, and what it has done to me. If you would like to read about the latest attack, which struck in a way no one could see coming, just click the “Blog Index” link on the front page to find posts in reverse chronological order. (Note that many images, especially from the earliest occurrence, are medically graphic and may not be for everyone.)

It’s been a waking nightmare, and I am still hoping to get up some morning and find out that it really was all a bad dream. In the meantime, I’m dealing with continual pain, struggling with the healing process, and doing my best to get through the anxiety attacks and discouragement. Normal life, including my writing, hasn’t quite caught up with me yet.

I am healing. I am getting better. I’m not going to let anyone toss me on the body pyre quite yet. As with the leg episode in 2008, good old manuka honey has accelerated the process of wound granulation and the formation of scar tissue. As of this morning (and yes, I just knocked wood loudly), there is only one stubborn spot that is sloughing and bleeding. That area was actually doing very well until yesterday. I was out much of the day for a visit to my primary care doctor. The long day, and various aspects of the trip, led to trauma that has caused a setback.

That’s discouraging, but I know it’ll be okay. The manuka honey wound gel will take charge (indeed, this morning I noted new granulation already in the traumatized tissue) and get me back on track. This journey is all about keeping an eye on those steps forward, even after a backslide.

Today, I’m home. Maybe I’ll open Scrivener and prepare the rest of the current chapter of the book my group is reading for critique. I may even, depending on my mental focus and energy levels, tackle some more edits of the other work in progress.

I’m doing things like this in little chunks right now. I’ve never been great with edits and rewrites to start with. I love the creation process of writing; it flows so freely and brings me joy. The task of banging those creations into a shape that someone might actually want to read, though? That’s when writing becomes work. I have to try to focus on the beauty (hopefully) of the finished product, and just get ‘er done.

Maybe today. Maybe tomorrow. I’m doing my best to be kind to myself, and keep my priorities focused on getting well. I’ll look at all the little normal things, the life things, the routines that I’m gradually able to do more of each day, as the icing on the healing cake.

I am getting better.

I am.